October 11 is National Coming Out Day in the United States.
I generally see 2 reactions from cisgender heterosexuals that conform to societies gender stereotypes when an LGBTQ+ person comes out.
Self-professed allies are usually:
"How brave! Hopefully some day people won't have to do this!"
While there's always plenty of:
"Who cares? Why do they have to throw it in our faces‽‽"
You're in luck fellow allies—and you other people!
You can help change LGBTQ+ people coming out with a few simple changes to your behavior.
• Stop equating heterosexual, cisgender & gender conforming to "normal."
• Stop acting like your identity is the natural state of humanity & everything else is an outlier.
• Stop asking children in preschool if they "have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet."
• Stop asking public figures "what kind of man/woman are you looking for" based on your perception of their gender/heteronormalcy.
• Stop assuming heteronormative relationships and/or sex are a goal for everyone—Aces exist.
• Stop assuming gender.
Use neutral pronouns for everyone who hasn't specified their pronouns to you. Don't know their pronouns? Use they/them/their until you do.
Do you know their pronouns? Use whatever they tell you without arguing or demanding an explanation or really any comment other than "OK, I'll remember to use those. Thank you for telling me.”
When the natural state becomes "I don't know until you tell me, if you choose to" then we all can choose to divulge gender and sexuality—or not—at our own pace.
And if someone never reveals their sexuality or gender to the world?
That's fine too. Society can function just dandy without knowing everyone's business.
"But what about predators who'll take advantage‽‽"
We have predators who take advantage now.
Our current system of "everyone is heterosexual & cisgender at birth, let's stuff them into this box until we force them to tell us otherwise" hasn't eliminated predators especially since the vast majority live in that box.
Who knows, maybe having fewer hang ups about gender and sexuality from the time an infant is born might help keep people safe from predators that thrive in the darkness of ignorance and societal secrecy.
Ditch heteronormative behavior & gender stereotypes and maybe everyone will get to start life on an even footing.
My youngest child told me and my wife that they are nonbinary a year ago. My response was, “Great, but to me, you’ll always be Makoto, so this doesn’t really change anything about our relationship or how I’ll treat you.” I never understood this need for people to want to be identified by a group they belong to. I’ve always treated everyone as individuals, and my brain has difficulty seeing individuals as parts of groups, other than being human.
I still have problems with my child’s pronouns (I am 50, and overcoming that ingrained teaching and 17 years of using he/him is hard to change), but they understand and never correct me when I mess up. I’m pretty sure that it’s because they know that I love them, and that’s what’s important.
Auntie Mavis, I love you. Thank you for this.